My Life Is Officially Over

I got 11 out of 12 on 'The Deadliest Catch' quiz on the Discovery Channel website. I would have gotten 12 but I misread one question. Stop the planet, it is time for this saddo to get off.

Feeling Crabby?

I guess I was! Monday was a holiday and from what I saw through the window, a pretty sunny day. Why didn’t I experience it? Because I spent the day glued to the television watching a ‘The Deadliest Catch’ marathon on the Discovery Channel. I hardly moved for 4 hours then I ventured out for 2 hours and came home to watch 2 hours more.

Please explain to me why a show about crab fisherman is so fascinating. Is it just me? Angela assures me it is not but I am not sure I trust her.

That Thing Must Have Been 10 Feet Tall 627 Pounds

So, I was walking to the train station this morning, completely wrapped up in my own world when I noticed a girl standing beside her car with all the doors open. Weird but not a big deal. I was about to walk by when she said ‘Do you know how to get those out?’ I said ‘Huh?’ To which she repeated ‘Do you know how to get those out?’ while pointing at the car. I looked at her blankly then looked at the car and realised there was a bird sitting on the steering wheel! She was standing on the sidewalk like a fool while her Mom was talking to someone on the phone and the bird was sitting on the steering wheel with its back to the windshield.

So, I walked to the passenger side and slammed the door. The bird jumped off the steering wheel onto the driver’s seat. It was a start. I then slammed the back passenger door and the bird pooped (oops). So I grabbed an umbrella from the trunk and shooed it out.

Man am I brave – hope she has some very good car upholstery cleaner.

What Is It With Me And Cab Drivers?

Arrived in NY ok, long queue at Immigration, train ride ok, first cab ride fine. OK, we had to wait for the guy's friend who likes to go on cab rides with him (?!?!) but he was ok. Arrive at hotel – lovely. Big room, nice staff, fabulous beds, excellent restaurant. Then it all goes to hell.

Taxi Number 2
The next morning at 8:40am, the cab driver is ready and waiting. Seems nice enough. We start talking about the weather (it was bucketing down with rain) this leads to him reveal that he is a volunteer fireman. OK so far it is fine. This then leads (he started it not me) to a discussion about his experiences on 9/11 and his sniffer dog. He then tells the dog died of old age. Then he goes very, very quiet. We pull up to a red light and he puts the car in neutral and spends the next 2 lights gunning the engine while Ian and I stare at each other with our eyes bugging out of our heads. He doesn't say another word we arrive at the office and then is chipper as can be as we pay the bill.

Taxi Number 3
After work I decide to go shopping. We ask the driver to drop Ian off at the hotel and then take me to the mall. All is good. The guy is friendly. Ian then asks me why the police cars say Suffolk on them and not NY. I say because we are in Suffolk County. This sets the driver off on a diatribe about Suffolk County cops being overpaid, snotty and a pain in the ass. We drop Ian off and head for the mall. Consumer lust and thoughts of inexpensive American goods have dulled my senses. So I say - did I hear you right, you used to be a cop? Yep in the City he replies. Wow, you must have seen some stuff I say. Not as much as in Vietnam he says. Alarm bells start in my head. He then tells me policing was the family business. All seems good – the storm has passed. He says we need gas, I say ok. He is pumping gas in the car, I am sitting in the back and realise something feels wrong. I try to think, then I listen really hard and realise he has left the engine running. Here I am sitting in the back of a crappy, smelly taxi cab with an engine that sounds like a washing machine while a gimpy, ex-cop. Vietnam vet, taxi driver is liquid death into a running car thinking I am about to explode and the last moments of my life will have been spent discussing NY Irish coppers. Is my quest for Tang (well failed quest for Tang) for Laura and my lust for Jones New York suits worth it?

As you have surmised, I did not explode. I did; however, get a suit. Not Jones New York one mind you.

Gay Paris

I have now been back from Paris for a week. I hope that has given Steve enough time to surprise everyone with their hand delivered post cards. Apparently, you can't buy international stamps in France on a holiday. We had a lovely time, saw tons, walked and walked, climbed lots of stairs, ate excellent food (duck, onion soup, creme brulee, chocolate gateaux, an amazing chocolate goo thing), drank great wine, browsed in amazing shops. All in all a lovely way to spend the weekend. Here are a few snaps - obviously the dates on the photos are wrong.

Sacre Coeur







A very cool building



The Louvre Pyramid Thing



See If You Can Find Notre Dame



A Very Gray Eiffel Tower

Rant 16 - Spike Lee

Just went to see Inside Man, I enjoyed it. The story was good and the music was excellent. It was almost like the music from a 70's cop tv show. A couple of steps away from kitsch but it worked. Jody Foster annoyed me a bit but that was no surprise. Flightplan was crap and she has a lot to do to get me past Nell. But I digress, back to the rant. Why does Spike Lee insist on having that dolley scene in every film? You know, the one where he puts one or two actors on a trolley and pulls them along. It is such an unnatural movement. Yeah, yeah, yeah it signifies an epiphany or a seminal moment in the film but it annoys me.